rejection is inevitable - so here is how to embrace it
Rejection is inevitable.
It's part of life, and it certainly is a part of being in business. Any entrepreneur will know that if they are bringing their product or service out there, they're going to be facing the possibility of being rejected.
And nowhere does this seem to come up as strongly or affect anyone as strongly as when you're a soulpreneur.
You are putting your heart and soul into your business, into what you are sharing with the world. And when you are sharing your divine brilliance with others and you get a NO, it can feel like personal rejection.
Can you relate to that?
During the recent Abundant Soulpreneur Summit this was one of the themes that emerged from the juicy interviews with our featured speakers:
Rejection is inevitable.
Personally, I have certainly had my fair share of dealing with the fear of rejection and learned - and then had to unlearn - many, many ways to people please so as to avoid being rejected.
Of course that never works but I gave it a good go! In the process I found myself rejecting my essence, my Divine Self, until the journey back home started.
Nothing seems to speed up this journey of overcoming the fear of rejection faster than starting your soul business.
That's if you wish to succeed. And with succeed I mean being able to have a business that sustains your lifestyle.
Not just a hobby or a side hustle that brings in a little bit of extra cash. No, your main source of income.
So how do you deal with this fear of rejection?
- If rejection is inevitable then wouldn't it make sense to just make peace with it?
- So how do you do that?
- How do you embrace the fear of rejection as part of the game of being alive and being in business?
Well, I find one of the simplest ways, not always easy but definitely simple, is to first acknowledge the fear and then to ask some powerful questions to shift the energy.
When I find myself going into people pleaser mode, that is a big indication that the old pattern is running. The flip side of fear of rejection is seeking approval.
And seeking approval tends to be accompanied by people pleasing. You know, wanting everybody to like you, wanting everyone to love what you are creating and sharing, and wanting to be approved of.
- Now, oftentimes, this will go back to not having felt acknowledged, appreciated or approved of as a child so you may wish to have a look at where this pattern originated within you, if this is running in your life.
- It may also be that you have not appreciated, acknowledged and approved of yourself and your brilliance and oftentimes that comes from fear of being persecuted for expressing your light and brilliance in the world.
And for good reason because for many, many eons, the story running on this planet was that it was safer to dim your light, to hide. You know, to try and fit in so as to be safe.
And so if you stood out from the crowd then that inevitably led to consequences that... well let's just say we'd rather avoid.
Yet why I say that overcoming the fear of rejection will be sped up by having your soul business is because in order to let your business be successful, as in sustain you...
you must be willing to stand out from the crowd.
So that very thing that you've been afraid of…
to be visible, to be different, to be unique, to stand out...
is exactly what is needed in order to be noticed, so that those you are here to serve with your divine brilliance, with your gifts, can actually see you, hear you and find you.
You just gotta love the divine humor in all of this, right?
Not that we usually see this when we’re in the thick of it but looking back, you can usually see how these patterns have created opportunities to be healed, to be returned to wholeness.
And once you've moved through one of these fears, it's like walking on a spiral staircase. You unravel layers and layers and the fear has less of a grip on you.
You might still experience it but it's not going to freeze you in your tracks anymore. It's not going to hold you back from doing what you love and what you came here to be and express.
So some of the questions that you can play with if you find yourself going into this people pleasing mode and wanting to get everybody's approval or somebody's approval are to ask yourself:
- Is there any part of me that is wanting approval here?
- Is there any part of me that is wanting control or security?
- Is there any part of me here that is wanting separation or oneness?
- Whichever part that is, could I allow myself to let go of wanting that approval, wanting that control that security, wanting that security that separation or oneness?
- And will I?
- And if so, when?
- And if not now, then when?
These questions have a way of stirring up all the unconscious attachments to holding on to these patterns. When you find yourself in a state of wanting to avoid something, there is also a desire (often unconscious) for the very same thing which is exactly what keeps that loop going.
It's like a catch 22 until you bring it into awareness.
So what are some of the ways you can recognise if the fear of rejection is something that’s been holding you back?
It can often show up by procrastinating, wanting things to be perfect before you share anything so you don't get criticized, and thereby not share...
I don't know about you but if I had waited until everything I've put out there was perfect, nothing would be shared because everything I put out there can always be improved upon, it can always be optimized.
Yet a long time ago I decided that I had rather have something out there and tweak it later than to wait, to hold back until everything was perfect. And sure, that pattern still kicks in sometimes, you know, not wanting to put something out there because it's not quite right yet.
But it's through sharing, through getting your things out into the world, having people experience it, that you get the feedback as to what could be tweaked.
And through taking those action steps you discover what the next steps are. It's like going on a journey. Let's say that you are at the beginning of a road and the road goes straight ahead. And there are some twists and turns but you can't see those twists and turns until you're further up the road and have turned left or right and gone down one of these paths. And then you can see what's next.
Sort of like that, by being willing to just take the action steps, to do what you know is the next step to take, you get clarity on what's next.
And that fear of rejection will eventually loosen its grip on you.
It may still show up. I think being in the human body this is one of those things. The fear of hearing NO can be taken on as a rejection of who you are but that's hardly ever really the case.
I have found it really helpful to realize that when someone says NO to what I am offering, that it may be a ‘no, not right now.’ Or ‘no, this doesn't resonate.’
It's not saying there’s something wrong with you.
- So, letting yourself just notice… how does this fear of rejection play out in your life? Do you go into people pleaser mode?
You may or may not have heard me share this story before but I used to fly for the airlines. And when I stepped into a leadership position there by being purser in charge of the crew on the flights, one of the very first times I was in that position I was with a very senior crew and I had a situation where I had to really speak up.
And I was so scared because these were very senior ladies and I thought they might judge me for what I was going to say, criticize me, think that I was the bitch from hell… you know, all of that kind of stuff.
So I ended up locking myself in the bathroom for five minutes just to compose myself while I was having this conversation in my mind of all the things I thought that they were going to be saying,
And so this is the other tip:
When you find yourself afraid of being rejected and notice that you're going into this people pleaser mode, you won't be expressing what you truly wish to say. So you'll go into censoring your message.
And when you start censoring then someone on the other end of it can't receive the essence of who you are. And so it becomes a mind game versus receiving the message heart to heart, soul to soul. Often recognised by wanting to be right so as not to be 'wrong'.
One way to recognize that is if you’re doing what I was doing: Thinking of all the things that they might be thinking of me.
If I had known what I'm about to share with you here back then, it would have saved me a whole lot of trouble. Yet, that's part of the learning journey, right?
So the thing to ask yourself at such times is:
Whose business am I am?
I learned this from Byron Katie and I love how she talks about there being three types of business: your business, other people's business and God’s or Source’s business.
- So when you find yourself thinking what other people might think, whose business are you in?
- Theirs. It's not yours so let it go and get back to you, and then noticing whatever fear comes up.
- Is it the fear of being criticized?
- Is it the fear of being judged, ridiculed, not taken seriously?
What is it?
It will be fear of some sort. And when you allow yourself to just acknowledge what that fear is, then just let yourself breathe.
Say to that part of you ‘thank you for sharing this, here is what we are choosing to do instead.’
And you breathe in some extra light, you breathe in some extra joy, you breathe in some extra peace.
You basically bring yourself back to your center, your essence, your light. Place a hand on your heart. Just breathe into your heart center and connect in with the beauty of what you are here to share.
- And from that space, then notice what you would say so if that fear was no longer there?
- Then what would you do, what would you say?
Then go do that, go say that, and watch what happens.
Seeing that rejection is inevitable being in business, and especially as a soulpreneur… we can take this stuff very seriously….
It’s good to LIGHTen the f**k up.
Have fun with this! And if this resonated, then be sure to leave a comment below and share this post with your soulpreneur friends 🙂
P.S. And if you’d love to have some support with ways that you can overcome this fear of rejection or how to deal with this fear of rejection, then let yourself receive the tips and insights from those soulpreneurs who have gone before you.
I invite you to come and join the Encore of the Abundant Soulpreneur Summit, which was part of the 5 Day Abundance Reset Challenge last year! You'll get to hear Samara Stone speak about unstoppable confidence, an awesome conversation about how to build emotional resilience which is definitely required being in business,right?
And you'll hear Joseph Rea speak about rejection and how it played out in his life, and several of the other speakers,too. You'll pick up lots and lots of juicy nuggets there.
The Encore is available between February 25 - March 3
Go check it out. And I'll see you there.
Get your free ticket HERE